EPISODE 1: BOBBY MOYNIHAN

Welcome to the Week Sauce! Show. This week’s episode features SNL’s Bobby Moynihan.

MONOLOGUE!

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On Tuesday, television star Sherman Hemsley of the beloved sitcom “The Jeffersons” passed away at the age of 74.
When reached for comment, Mitt Romney expressed shock and sadness at Hemsley’s passing, going on to say that “‘Sanford and Son’ will be remembered forever in urban American folklore.”

 

Among several severe sanctions issued to Penn State University on Monday, in light of the cover-up of child sex abuse committed by former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky, the NCAA has forced the school to vacate its football victories since 1998.
Because as everyone knows, the proper way to penalize an institution for pretending something never happened is to pretend something never happened.

 

The NCAA’s forcing Penn State to vacate all of its victories since 1998 has cost Joe Paterno his title of the winningest coach in college football history.
The good news is that the NCAA remains in acknowledgement of Paterno’s title as the cover-upiest coach in college football history.

 

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie went against the grain of his party this week when he hinted of a possible 2016 presidential run, which would seem to undermine 2012 Republican nominee Mitt Romney’s chances of winning the upcoming election.
Governor Christie is of course no stranger to going against the grain — and also against the fruit, the vegetables, and the doctor’s well-meaning recommendations of light exercise.

 

The Opening Ceremony of the 30th Summer Olympic games took place on Friday night in London.
The beautiful, four-hour long ceremony honored every nation participating in the games by artfully reenacting their respective revolutionary wars with Great Britain. 

 

The North Korean women’s soccer team walked off the field prior to their Olympic match-up against Colombia when the South Korean flag was accidentally displayed on the big screen instead of their own.
London Olympics organizers apologized but explained the mishap as a classic case of “all Asian flags look the same.”

 

On Thursday, LSU offered a football scholarship to Dylan Moses, a soon-to-be 8th grader.
Not to be outdone, Alabama offered a scholarship to Jeremy Rithkin, a quarterback to be born in 2016 to parents David Rithkin and Molly Lucas, currently platonic co-workers at the Bank of America on Hollis Avenue in Montgomery.

 

Fast-food chain Chick-Fil-A came under fire Wednesday amid accusations that its PR department created a fake Facebook profile of an attractive teenage girl to defend the company’s anti-gay leanings.
Facebook users became suspicious when it was noticed that the profile had been created only eight hours earlier, AND that the name of the girl was “Hatequeers McBurninhell.”

 

A high-school student in Albany, California named Bowen Bethards sued his teacher this week when she gave him a C+ for the year in her chemistry class, which he claims has caused “physical and emotional suffering, damage to his academic reputation, and diminished chances of getting into the college of his choice.”
On the bright side, Bethards’s reputation as Albany High’s resident poon crusher remains untouched.

 

PROPHECY CORNER! with Ryan

Walls
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Why are we here? Where are we going? Has anyone heard from Keith? Have you met his new girlfriend? Ugh, I know, right? Life is full of questions, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a victim to the uncertainties of the universe. Each week right here at the Prophecy Corner, we’ll help you prepare for the best and the worst with a prediction of what’s to come in the week ahead.

This week’s prediction:

On Thursday, around 4:15 pm, a bank vault will land on Lindsay Lohan

 

Ryan Walls holds a bachelors degree in Remedial Necromancy and Typing from Sheridan’s Torch Community College.

 

GETTIN’ SAUCED! with Bobby

Moynihan

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Bobby Moynihan

This week’s interview guest on the Week Sauce! Show is Saturday Night Live’s Bobby Moynihan. 

 

WEEK SAUCE! Show: If you could be any Golden Girl, who would you choose and why?
Bobby Moynihan: If I could be any Golden Girl I would want to be Blanche. She seemed to have the most fun. But I would probably have been Dorothy. Because she was essentially just a man who complained a lot.

WSS: What would your advice be to someone who does NOT want to pursue a career in comedy?
BM: Do not spend at least ten years of your life hanging around funny creative people. Do not watch comedy programs like Mr. Show. Do not take classes at Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. Just sit in a room with a hat on. But… be aware that some people may find that funny.


WSS: If you could give yourself your own nickname, what would you like to be called?

BM: Ribeye.

WSS: If you could have a song play every time you walked into a room, what would it be?
BM: Juicy by NOTORIOUS B.I.G.
 
WSS: Which First Lady do you think you most resemble in spirit?
BM: In spirit form? Mary Todd Lincoln. Just in flat-out resemblance, gotta go Barbara Bush.
 
WSS: What’s the most interesting acting role you’ve had that ended up on the cutting room floor?
BM: I played a janitor that got killed by Richard Grieco once. Once…
 
WSS: What did you do immediately after finding out you were cast on SNL?
BM: I called my Mom and Dad. Then I ran across the street and smoked 37 cigarettes in a row on a bench.
 
WSS: If this interview had taken place 10 years ago and we asked you to plug something you were working on, what would you have plugged?

BM: Cabtastrohpe! It was a short “Film” that my friends Charlie Sanders and Eugene Cordero made about a Cab company in a post apocalyptic NYC. It was dumb as shit. I played a Kodiak bear.  Still love it to this day.

 

Thanks for tuning in. Please enjoy this week’s video send-off. See you next Monday!