EPISODE 4: MARGARET CHO

Welcome to the Week Sauce! Show. This week’s guest is comedian/actress Margaret Cho.

MONOLOGUE!

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Missouri Representative and senate candidate Todd Akin came under fire Sunday for insisting that women’s bodies are somehow able to block unwanted pregnancies in instances of “legitimate” rape.
“Just like when my skull was able to block that unwanted bullet during that instance of ‘legitimate’ murder,” said Abraham Lincoln, who then added, “Oh wait.”

New Jersey governor Chris Christie was named the keynote speaker for the Republican National convention later this month.
Christie’s speech is expected to laud Mitt Romney, excite the Republican base, and spew bits of Chipotle burrito on people in the first four rows.

WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange, has been granted asylum by Ecuador but remains holed up at the Ecuadorian embassy in London due to Britain’s threats to extradite him to Sweden, where he is accused of rape.
“I’m confused. Can’t we just shoot him?” suggested Texas governor Rick Perry.

Russian all-girl group Pussy Riot was sentenced to two years in prison on a charge of “hooliganism” following a February performance in protest of Vladimir Putin.
Russia has been criticized not just for the sentencing, but for the double standard represented in its steadfast refusal to penalize all-male group Cock Uprising for the same offense.

Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine accused President Obama of staging the shootings at the Aurora, Colorado theater and the Sikh Temple in Wisconsin so he could “pass a gun ban.”
Obama, for his part, accused Mustaine of staging bad 80s arena rock so he could “pass for someone whose opinions mattered.”


A Texas teacher has been convicted of having group sex with five of her students after the incident was caught on a phone camera.

“That’s detestable!” said all men, before adding, “Did you say there was video? Just wondering. That’s awful, though.”

In an interview with USA Today, Kobe Bryant’s wife, Vanessa, admitted that she “Certainly would not want to be married to someone who can’t win (NBA) championships.”
She later admitted that LeBron James only recently became incredibly attractive to her.

Singer Taylor Swift reportedly purchased a house in Hyannis Port, MA across the street from the summer home of her boyfriend Conor Kennedy, son of Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
Although the house cost her $5 million, Swift anticipates that the song she will release after her inevitable break-up with Kennedy will more than pay for the property.

In an recent article, Republican vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan revealed that one of his favorite bands is Rage Against the Machine.
Ryan defended himself by saying that all his buddies in the House of Representatives call him the “Renegade of Funk.”

 

PROPHECY CORNER! with

Ryan Walls

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Why are we here? Where are we going? Has anyone heard from Keith? Have you met his new girlfriend? Ugh, I know, right? Life is full of questions, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a victim to the uncertainties of the universe. Each week right here at the Prophecy Corner, we’ll help you prepare for the best and the worst with a prediction of what’s to come in the week ahead.

This week’s prediction: 

ON TUESDAY, LINDSAY LOHAN WILL EXPECT TO SHOCK THE WORLD WITH HER NEW FISH-BONE HAT…

SHE WILL NOT, HOWEVER, BE EXPECTING THE HUNDREDS OF RABID FERAL CATS. SERVICES WILL BE HELD FRIDAY FROM 10-2.

Ryan Walls holds a Bachelors in Conjuring and is three credits short of a minor in Physical Education from Sheridan’s Torch Community College.

 

TOP 5 THINGS FOR JULIAN

ASSANGE TO DO TO AVOID

BOREDOM AT THE

ECUADORIAN EMBASSY IN

LONDON

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Ugh I’m sooooo boorrrrreeeeedddddd

Poor Wikileaks founder Julian Assange is holed up at the Ecuadorian embassy in London – not exactly Studio 54. So what’s a bored international outlaw to do to pass the time? The Week Sauce! Show has some suggestions.

NUMBER 5!

PRANK CALL BUCKINGHAM PALACE IN SPANISH

NUMBER 4!

ORDER CHINESE TAKE-OUT ON THE HOUR, EVERY HOUR

NUMBER 3!

WRITE PRINCE WILLIAM’S EXTENDED SEXUAL HISTORY IN CHALK ON THE WALL OF HIS ROOM, ADDRESSED TO KATE

NUMBER 2!

WRITE DAILY EMAILS TO ELTONJOHN@GMAIL.COM HOPING FOR A RESPONSE

NUMBER 1!

STUDY “LAW & ORDER: SVU” RERUNS TO SEE HOW HE CAN GET OUT OF HIS RAPE CHARGES

 

GETTIN’ SAUCED! with

Margaret Cho

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This week’s guest on the Week Sauce! Show is comedian/actress Margaret Cho.

Week Sauce! Show: You were recently nominated for an Emmy for your appearance on 30 Rock for playing Kim Jong Il.  On a scale of 1 to 10, how proud do you think your parents are of you?
Margaret Cho: I’d say they’d be about an 11. They’re super into showbiz and are my dates for the Emmys.

WSS: We have never been to an awards show like the Emmys.  What items make up Margaret Cho’s “Awards Show Survival Pack?”
MC: Maybe some kind of flat shoe, a boiled egg, some pen and paper. Dry food rations. You never know.

WSS: What would be the predominant scent in a Margaret Cho signature perfume?
MC: Red bean paste, sancerre, and medical marijuana.

WSS: You’ve been involved in so many unique projects.  Which endeavor do you hold closest to your heart?
MC: I love standup comedy. It is my life.

WSS: How many pillows do you need to sleep comfortably?  What do you think that says about you as a person?
MC: I need barely one. Sometimes no pillow. It means you have a big enough head that can be its own pillow if need be.

WSS: What is getting the most play on your iPod right now?
MC: Lots of the great rapper Christeene who’s awesome. And Phoenix. And Alabama Shakes.

WSS: If you could travel back in time and give high school-aged Margaret one piece of advice, what would it be?
MC: “Everything is okay.”

 

Everything IS okay, because we’ll be back next week! Please enjoy the video send-off, sure to confuse the hell out of you. Thanks and see you in a bit!