EPISODE 7: ANDREW W.K.

Welcome to the Week Sauce! Show. This week’s guest is rocker Andrew W.K.

MONOLOGUE!

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In a recent interview, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg says that he wears the same thing every day.
A hoodie, jeans, and a stupid smirk on his face.

It was reported this week that three of the girls featured in MTV’s “16 and Pregnant” are currently pregnant again.
”What were they THINKING?” asked everyone, before picking up a copy of the latest “Us Weekly” with one of the girls on the cover for the 17th consecutive week.

Creatine is being researched as a possible depression-fighter for women.
Because even the most depressed woman can giggle at shrunken testicles.

A new report shows that South Korean men last year spent almost 500 million dollars on make-up and skincare products.
Though it should be noted that $499 million of that money was spent solely on the “Gangnam Style” video.

A new study has found that women’s eyebrows are plucked and penciled so that they sit closer to the eyes like a man’s.
The study was financed by the American Scientific Center for Worthless Studies.

Just days before her senior homecoming dance, a teenage girl in Florida had clumps of her hair ripped from her scalp during an accident in woodshop class.
The story has a happy ending, however, as her date for the dance says he’s still excited to go with her so long as she doesn’t look at him or acknowledge him at all.

A new report shows that the first eight months of 2012 were the hottest ever recorded in the continental United States.
Or as reported by “Fox & Friends,” the first eight months of 2012 were “hot, if you’re a pussy.”

Ikea is being criticized for deleting images of women from the Saudi Arabian version of its furniture catalog.
”Please leave the elimination of women from everyday things to us,” said Saudi Arabia.

A high school principal in Utah has apologized to dozens of teenage girls who were refused entry into their homecoming dance because their dresses were deemed too short.
The principal had to later apologize to the high school boys for being a “major cockblock.”

Justin Bieber this past weekend vomited on stage during a concert and later blamed it on drinking too much milk.
”Amateur!” cried all the toddlers in the audience.

 

SESAME STREET

CHARACTERS’ NEW JOBS!

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During the presidential debate last Wednesday, Republican nominee Mitt Romney claimed that, as president, he would stop federal funding for public broadcasting — before quickly adding, “I love Big Bird!” But do you, Mitt? Do you really?

With no more “Sesame Street,” let’s take a look at some of the jobs that a few of your favorite characters will be forced to take during a prospective Romney presidency.

BIG BIRD:The unparalleled combination of a 7’4″ frame and surprising athleticism isn’t enough to convince NBA commissioner David Stern to allow the first bird ever in the NBA (despite his uncle Larry shining for the Celtics in the 80s). The perceived bigotry of the decision touches off a national firestorm, culminating in Sean Hannity controversially referring to the ACLU as, “a bunch of “bird****ers” on his radio show. Luckily, Big Bird finds a home on the Harlem Globetrotters.

 

ELMO:Put off by his contempt for the idea of ultimate power and President Romney’s indignation towards the wonders of public broadcasting, Elmo sets off for Harvard Law with the intention of running for president in the 2036 range. He also tries acid for the first time.

 

BERT & ERNIE:The cutoff of funding to PBS turns out to be a blessing in disguise for the famous duo, as their true callings are realized when they become the new co-hosts of TLC’s “What Not to Wear.” While it’s all peaches and cream for them, the former hosts of “What Not to Wear,” Stacey London and Clinton Kelly, ride Kelly’s 1966 Thunderbird into the Grand Canyon, Thelma and Louise-style.

 

SNUFFALUPAGUS:With his dominating stature, Snuffy pretty easily finds a gig as a bouncer at D’Jais, the notorious Jersey shore hangout. Snuffy’s friendly nature, however, lands him in hot water when Belmar police raid the club and discover more than 200 underage guidos and guidettes occupying the space. He is currently employed as a bean bag chair in South Dakota.

 

COOKIE MONSTER:Following an embarrassing disqualification from the Nathan’s 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest when he was discovered sneaking cookies between dogs, Cookie Monster becomes disillusioned and starts hanging out with the wrong crowd. He eventually finds work as a contract killer for hire.

 

GETTIN’ SAUCED! WITH

ANDREW W.K.

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This week’s guest on the Week Sauce! Show is rocker Andrew W.K.

Week Sauce! Show: You are an accomplished musician who started playing piano at 4.  Do you ever feel like confusing your fans with a crazy jazz solo?
Andrew W.K.: Oh, we’ve done that.

WSS: Does it take a lot of restraint to hold back your musical chops?
AWK: Whatever facilitates the show, whatever facilitates the excitement.  I’m not very good at piano compared to a lot of other people.  I don’t really have a lot of skills or talent when it comes to music.  That’s why I’ve got to focus on head-banging, and running around, and screaming, and all that to help compensate for not being so talented in those areas.

WSS: You are a motivational speaker now, too.  You recently spoke at the My Little Pony Convention in Ohio.  First, why?  Secondly, what was your over-arching message?
AWK: To answer your first quest, “why”—I was invited.  So, that’s straightforward.  Two, there’s no real message.   It’s just: have some fun and stay close to those things in the world and life that make your feel good and glad you’re not dead.

WSS: Are you familiar with the “Gangnam Style” phenomenon? It is claimed that it’s a form of social commentary on class inequality.  You’re known for wearing soiled white t-shirts and pants.  Is this also a form of social commentary?
AWK: Well, I suppose it could be.  I mean, it wasn’t designed that way.  I never anticipated people to get so…certain people have gotten very upset about my clothes looking dirty or like they haven’t been washed.  It really is amazing to me how much that can upset someone.  I like things being clean as much as anyone else, but that’s not the most important thing to me.  I would never judge someone based on how clean or unclean their clothes were.  I don’t know—a trotting horse that gallops around and you ride it and cross your hands over your wrists—I don’t know how much commentary that really has either.  That’s just fun stuff. Like, rolling around in the mud is fun, and galloping around on a horse, even if it’s an invisible horse, that’s fun stuff.

WSS: Do you think people look for extra meaning where there is none?
AWK: You don’t have to understand something or know something to enjoy it.  Sometimes I even think trying to know or understand things on that level actually distances you from the enjoyment the thing.  When you try to “figure something out” completely and then maybe accept the satisfaction that it’s kind of satisfying and takes away some level of anxiety or stress, then  …We’re never going to understand everything about life, but it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it.

WSS: Regardless of your political leanings, would you want to party more with Barack Obama or Mitt Romney?
AWK: Mitt Romney’s family is from Michigan, and I grew up there.  I wasn’t born there, but I did grow up there.  So at first I think , “Oh, a Michigan boy, “ but at the same time, you know, Obama is spending so much time in Chicago (that’s where my wife is from).  There’s a part of Illinois that’s just as Midwestern in a different way, and just as exciting.  You know, what would probably be most exciting would be to party with both of them at the same time together and see how they interact with each other in the midst of all of this competition.

WSS: You are our 7th guest on this show.  As a motivational speaker, can you give us a little speech to push us to reach 100 shows?
AWK: Keep going.  Against all odds, even when it seems like the most unlikely and perhaps exhausting pursuit, if you’re enjoying it, if you get that motivation, if you get that drive, that spark that makes you get out of bed after only 3 hours of sleep, or it makes you stay up that extra 3 hours later to finish something.  It gives you such a purpose in every step that you take throughout the day, and if that’s what Week Sauce! is for you, then there’s no way it won’t reach not only just 100 episodes, but a thousand if it’s your purpose.  If you can bond with it and combine your physical energy with that dream, then anything is truly possible.  And you hear people say that anything is possible, but it’s a combination of physical effort and mental excitement that makes those things happen.  Even when you’re sick with a fever—a 103 degree fever—you still get up and do what you have to do to keep what you’re doing alive, because that becomes your reason for living.  It’s not even a job, it’s your dream.  I have no doubt that with those ideas in mind, you and everybody reading this will do what they were born to do as well.

WSS: What do you think you’ll be up ten years from now?
AWK: I don’t know.

WSS: Word association (first thing that comes to mind):

WSS: Party
AWK: Hard.

WSS: New York
AWK: City

WSS: Pants
AWK: White

WSS: Bar mitzvah
AWK: Bat mitzvah

WSS: Bunny rabbit
AWK: Fluffy

WSS: Blood
AWK: Nose

WSS: Boy George
AWK: Boy London

WSS: Sausage pizza
AWK: Boy London

WSS: Awesome
AWK: Sauce

Awesome sauce indeed, Andrew. Thanks for tuning in to the show, everybody. We’ll see you next week (probably). Please enjoy the video send-off – I guess it REALLY hurts to get shot five times!